I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
