We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
