just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
