Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
that may or may not have been my penis.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
