As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
