margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
