its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
