My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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