i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
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