dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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