omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
