Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
