shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
