yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
