Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
