my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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