don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
