who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
