watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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