hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
