Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
