i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
