so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
