I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
