so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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