Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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