When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
