I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
