PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
