I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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