Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
