He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
