With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
There's a naked man in my car right now.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
