I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
