You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
