Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
