Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
