You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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