he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
