Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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