ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
