I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Randomize
