I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
