I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
