I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
My penis needs a shock collar
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
