I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
