hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
