it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
