I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
