also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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