he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Randomize
