1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
