i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Randomize
