OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
