he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
