this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
