and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
